Welcome friend. Let me share my story with you. I know you’re busy, let me short-hand it for you.
While sharing stories from the dark corners of my life isn’t easy for me, I do it in hopes, that some part of it resonates with you. So, no matter where you are on your journey it gives you hope.
I grew up overweight, borderline obese to be honest, depending on what you use as a measuring stick. I had little in the form of friends and my social life was non-existent” I had absolutely no athletic abilities due to my size and weight, and so I turned inwards. Food became comfort and the kitchen became my playground. Not necessarily the best solution when you’re already overweight.
Bullying become part of regular narrative, and my school years were difficult to say the least. The scars, while not physical, ran deep. Lack of self-worth and body images issues followed me everywhere I went and impregnated all my decisions. Know those fears that paralyze you and make it impossible to function? My days were filled with them. If I ate in public I wondered if people were judging my food choices or portions. If I made healthy choices were they wondering how I could eat healthy and still be overweight?
I would only go to the gym at off hours so that I could avoid being seen or feeling intimated by my lack of athletic abilities. I never saw any progress because food was my poison. It was my retreat from the world. My way of numbing the fears and body image issues that I carried with me every day. It was my “easy button”. I was on a hamster wheel, running and running, but going nowhere.
Eventually I became vegan, swapping healthier foods into my diet and turned to exercise. My diet gave me loads of energy so what better way to expend it than in the gym, right? Exercise and fitness became my new passion, and before long I was in the gym every day. Eventually leading up to twice a day, with workouts of 3-4 hours at a time. I’d push myself until I was dead, retreating home only to spend the rest of the day sleeping on the couch. My weight didn’t change, I couldn’t lose any fat because of the amount of stress I was placing on my body and the huge calories deficit I was creating. My body image issues continued to grow and my fears changed. How could I call myself athletic and still look like this? People must think I gorge myself on ice cream and cake to work out this much and still look the way I do, right? I lived off of salad and tofu, and didn’t eat nearly enough because I had never healed my relationship with food. Instead I had replaced one easy button with another.
My relationships suffered and I felt like I had fallen down the rabbit hole. I had disappeared into the shadows of life, just watching time pass, but not actually living.
It took a number of rock bottom moments (too many too be honest) before I started to pick myself back up. But the strength I gained throughout all of that, the insights I developed, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. In fact, I’d do it all again, every bottom, every tear.
The biggest growth comes from those rock bottom moments. I know the darkness can be scary, and it can look like there is no exit in sight. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve made it my mission to help others navigate the darkness, to crawl out of the shadows and fall in love with their lives again. Love, joy, happiness, these are our true nature. This is what we’re born with, everything else is learnt, and we have a lot of unlearning to do.
If you need help navigating the darkness, or finally getting off that hamster wheel, contact me for a free coaching session. Because I can tell you, I’ve been there, and you aren’t alone. If you would like to read the long version of my story, you can find it here.
If any part of my story resonated with you, let me know in the comments below.
Sending you love,