How to Say No – Part 2

In the last video, which I’ll link to here we started the conversation about how to begin strengthening our “no” muscles. And before we signed off I talked a little about the role our ego plays in our decision making.

Specifically how fear impacts our decision making and causes us to say “no” to things that we’re afraid of. Things that put us at risk, or expose our vulnerability, which is really a good thing.

But fear can be a double edged sword. It causes us to say “yes” to more than we should. The fear of not being liked, the fear of disappointing others, but also the fear of missing out.

So let’s start by rewriting a very limiting belief, and that is the one of the golden opportunity. Where we believe that we are receiving a once in a lifetime opportunity that we absolutely need to say “yes” to.

I truly believe, that if an opportunity is meant for you, it will come around again. I consider this a universal law, the Law of Divine Correction. I’ve seen this in my life and the lives of those around me, time and time again. Where opportunities that we weren’t ready to step into, come back around when we’re ready to really shine.

A lot of us grew up in environments where it wasn’t safe to say “no” or in cultures of scarcity where you needed to say “yes” to everything and anything that would come to you for fear of going without. These are part of our family pathologies. These limiting beliefs need to be healed otherwise we pass them down to our children.

Its ok to turn down opportunities, because in all honesty not all opportunities are great opportunities, not everything is meant for us to devote our time and energy to it.

While we all love to help others and be of service to others, spreading ourselves too thin is of service to no one. Click To Tweet
While we all love to help others and be of service to others, spreading ourselves too thin is of service to no one. It prevents us from fully showing up.

But when we can selectively say “no”, when we can adopt the maturity to say “no”, we allow ourselves to be more selective in where we say “yes” and to do so with greater precision and greater enjoyment.

The other thing you can do, and this is what has perhaps been the most beneficial to me is it allow yourself additional time before committing to something. There are very few situations where you are obligated to provide a response on the spot. Wedding vows maybe of these few exceptions.

But outside of the few exceptions, you are allowed to give yourself time to think and consider what is really being asked of you, as well as the impact.

You can stop and say “I need some time to think about that, I’ll get back to you”, “I’ll need some time to sit with this, when do you need an answer by?”

Take the time that you need.

I find that when we take the time to reflect on what is being asked of us, once the heat of the moment has dispersed, these are not things we actually want to contribute our time or energy to. And that’s ok, that just means that there is someone else who is far better suited to be of assistance than you are.

So allow yourself that grace period.

And if you’ve made a commitment to get back to someone with an answer, honor that. Come back to them with your answer, where it is “yes” or “no”.

If you fail to do so, and that person has to circle back and ask again, you may find yourself in the same flustered state with the desire to please, and make a commitment you’ll regret.

When you practice this you’ll be able to save yourself copious amounts of anger and resentment.

Always remember that while it can be really difficult to say “no” for fear of disappointing someone else, know that the people who truly value and respect your time will not be hindered by your “nos”. They will understand and respect the value of your time.

Those who are upset or bothered by your rejection to their request are the ones who are coming with an ulterior motive or hidden agenda.

Those who mirror your sense of self-worth and your self-respect will not be bothered by your “no”. They will remain loyal and understanding. And remember that explaining yourself is a form of deep compassion, both to yourself and others.

When we explain ourselves to others, we invite them in. So keep yourself open. Click To Tweet

Remind yourself in those moments where you have said “no” and are feeling the deep discomfort of having disappointed someone who wanted your time or wanted your energy, or the fear of having passed on an opportunity. That by saying “no” to this, you are giving yourself room to say yes to something else.

Making space for the things we want in our lives is easier when we start saying “no” to what we don’t. Click To Tweet

Let me know in the comments below if you enjoyed this video and what your biggest take away from it was.

Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you in the next post.

Sending you love.
Stay strong warriors,
D