Releasing your resistance to forgiveness… if you’re ready.
Forgiveness is not something we give someone who has hurt us, it’s something we give ourselves.
When we withhold forgiveness, we also withhold love, and compassion, and joy, because they all come from the same place. And what we withhold from others, we also deny ourselves. Because there is no space where they end, and we begin, we’re all connected, and we’re all here together. Our anger and grudges become the baggage we carry, from one relationship and experience, to another.
So here’s what I propose.
Let’s forgive, but not forget.
Not everything is made to be forgotten, and turning the other cheek isn’t necessarily the most spiritual response.
While I do believe that forgiveness is the very crux of all spiritual and personal growth (which are really one and the same), not everything should be forgotten. We can choose to keep our memories of past hurts and betrayals, without dwelling in them. Without remaining victims to our stories, but instead, empowered to keep ourselves from making the same mistakes over, and over again.
Choosing not to forget keeps us from reliving the same patterns and stories, provided we’ve learnt what we were meant to from them. Which in some cases is less about the other person or our own flaws, and more about how to deal with those types of individuals. These are the lessons that help us spot the narcissists, because there is nothing enlightened about being someone’s doormat. Sometimes saying “no”, or walking away is the lesson to be learnt.
Forgive and forget, the biggest blunder to ever be spoken.
How would that contribute to the devolution of our society? Example. What was that German guys name? Hitler? And what did he do? Oh, right….
Yeah, let’s not forget. Let’s stop at forgiveness.
Withholding forgiveness, places blocks in our way. Both metaphorically and physically, preventing us from moving forward and inhibiting our healing.
So where do we start? We start with forgiving ourselves.
Forgiving ourselves for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Forgiving ourselves for staying longer than we should have. Forgiving ourselves for staying silent when we should have spoken up. Forgiving ourselves for being blind to those who took advantage, for allowing ourselves to be manipulated. Because love is blind.
Our journey is long and we’ll stumble many times, have compassion and forgive yourself when you do.
Because when we can bestow forgiveness upon ourselves, we can grant it to others.
Some wounds run deep and take long to forgive. Even the willingness to forgive can feel like a struggle. If that’s where you are, that’s ok. Forgive yourself for not being ready to forgive.There is nothing healing or transformative about violating ourselves in order to force forgiveness. Click To Tweet Acknowledge that you’ll forgive when you’re ready too. And for now, that's enough. Click To Tweet
As you do the work, that heaviness will lift when you’re ready to release it. For some situations that’ll require a few hours sitting in meditation or prayer, others will require weeks, possibly even months. And hey, what’s the rush? Life is a long time.
And here’s the thing with forgiving others, its not the same thing as letting them off the hook.
If a douche took advantage of you, forgiving them just means you’rre ready to move on without the weight of that experience. But, they’re still a douche.
It doesn’t mean you need to text each other every minute, or invite them to lunch next week, decide what you’ll by them for the holidays, or whether they get invited to your one day, in the distance future, theoretical wedding. You don’t have to let them back into your home, and you certainly don’t have to let them back into your heart, if you don’t want to.
What you do want to acknowledge is that at their core, their soul, is made of the same brilliant light, the same pure love as yours. However their fears and narcissism may have corrupted their actions and thoughts, at their core, is goodness. Deep, in their soul. Whether they chose to recognize it or not, because that’s the thing with free will.
When we acknowledge that others are doing the best they can, despite fears, limiting beliefs, addictions, trauma and past wounds, forgiveness becomes easier.
We don’t have to forget, or carry that burden for them, but we can start with forgiving.
Forgiving ourselves, and others.
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Sending you all love,