Where we draw the line.
We struggle immensely to set boundaries. Our desire to please, to be liked, to not rock the boat, all keep us in a loop of yeses.
We say yes, when we really mean no, and with that comes a sea of resentment and regret. When we fail to set boundaries or allow them to crumble because they were weak to begin with, we break trust. Not only trust with others, but self-trust as well.
We end up backing out at the last minute or we show up with only half the gusto and will. Sometimes even less than half, the rest being our resentment and anger.
We avoid those who continuously ask of us, but the problem isn’t their asking. It’s our responding. We say yes to everything, only to be faced with the commitment hangover later. We begrudging proceed to honor our word, allowing our resentment and frustration to build. Until we erupt with anger and animosity.
When you feel yourself becoming angry, resentful, or exhausted, pay attention to where you haven’t set a healthy boundary.
– Crystal Andrus
How do we know when we’re in a commitment hangover?
We begin avoiding phone calls, cut people out of our lives, block others from social media, and delete numbers from our phones. When all we needed to do, was say no, or perhaps cancel lunch.
Somewhere along the way we falsely learned that honesty and kindness couldn’t co-exist. That we couldn’t candidly say no while still being nice.We can be both, candid and compassionate. Click To Tweet When we say no, we set value. Value to our time, our energy, and our resources. Click To Tweet
Will we ruffle feathers? Absolutely. But here’s what I’ve learned. Those who love us, will say “yeah, its about time…”
Those who are bothered by our new found sense of worth, will be those with their own agendas. Thank them, and release them.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.
– Brené Brown
We don’t need to wait until we’re so overwhelmed with commitments that we vulgarly bark back no’s. Instead, we can practice boundaries with gratitude.
We can practice boundaries with grace.When we begin saying no, we make room in our lives for things we want to say yes to. Click To Tweet
They go something like this;
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I’ll need to pass.”
“Thats a great idea, but it doesn’t work for me right now.”
“Now’s not good, but I’d love to contribute in the future.”
Or simply put. “No, but thanks.”
Because “no” is a complete answer. Explanations and justifications aren’t required. Our motives are our own, they don’t need to be justified to others, and we certainly don’t need to justify them to ourselves.
We can say no, while remaining kind. We can say no while being respectful to others, and ourselves.
Be direct. We often try to set boundaries or say no, without really saying it. Indirect boundaries only increase the frustration, resentment, and bitterness. Ingredients that can quickly erode any relationship.
Recognize that nothing is permanent. You always have the option to change your mind. If you find yourself caught with bad case of commitment hangover, pick up the phone. Reach out and re-affirm your boundaries.
“Sorry, I got caught up in the moment and said yes, but on further reflection I’ll have to pass.”
Don’t let it fester.
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Sending you all love,