Letting go of why.
Letting go of why. Why our desire to understand why we’ve been hurt won’t further our healing.
Have you been struggling with trying to understand “why” someone to did something mean or shitty? Trying to understand “why” someone hurt you? I know as well as anyone just how stuck this can leave us, so if this is where you’re at, have a seat, because we need to chat.
Letting go of why, and by that I mean the desire to understand or know why we were hurt, is a topic I discuss in greater detail in my upcoming book. But today, I wanted to have a quick chat with you guys about it, to try and shed some light if this is where you’re feeling stuck.
Now our desires to understand others is a form of deep compassion and empathy, and is a really good thing. So I’m not talking generally in this video. Please keep trying to understand and relate to others. What I want to dial in on in this video is our desire to understand those that hurt us and specifically the reason they may have done so.
We’ve all been in situations where we’ve been hurt by someone. But what I see often from the light working, big hearted, compassionate people like you and me, is what comes next. And its this obsessive desire to know or understand why. Why did they cheat? Why did they lie? Why did they betray us? Why did they abandon us? Why?
I speak from experience when I say that I truly know how big of an obsession this can become.
Because maybe, just maybe if we know or understand why, we can fix it. We can forgive them. We can more forward.They key to moving forward doesn’t lie in understanding someone else’s darkness. Click To Tweet
We are all responsible for confronting our own darkness, we can’t make others confront theirs. All we can do is try and bring in more light.
We can lose so much time and energy to trying to understand someone else’s motives.
And that desire to know and understand keeps us stuck and exposed. Exposed to more hurt and pain. I know we do it with good intentions, its right up there with trying to love someone into changing.
But here’s the thing. Most of the people out there who are repeatedly hurting others or doing shitting things are highly narcissistic. Its a method of discharging pain and avoiding a life that they’ve created.
The majority of the time, they don’t even know why they do shitty things. Ergo, narcissistic.
So stop trying to crack the code and understand the deep workings of their psyche or childhood trauma. Leave that for the shrinks and psychologists who get paid hundreds of dollars per hour for that.
Because, ultimately, unless they are open and ready to confront their own demons, you’ll never find the answer you’re looking for.
And what do we do in absence of that answer.
We turn inwards.
We start looking for the ways in which we brought it on ourselves. Maybe it was our own bad karma. Maybe we deserved to be hurt. Maybe we had it coming. Maybe we provoked them. Maybe we’re not really good people.
And here’s the problem with this line of thinking.Whatever you go looking for, you will find. Click To Tweet
If you go looking for ways in which you deserved to be hurt or had it coming. You’ll find it. Even if it’s just a thread or crumb, you’ll always find something. Why? Because none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. But in doing this, you take that small thread of evidence, that tiny little crumb, and make a case against yourself.
Now not only can you not forgive the prick that hurt you, but now you struggle to forgive yourself as well. Because you’re now riddled with guilt and shame.
So if you’re struggling to understand why someone hurt you. Press pause, take a breath and know this.Understanding why, won’t take away the pain or make it any easier to forgive. Click To Tweet
Trust me on this one.
Instead, send them light, from a distance if necessary. And if you’re not ready to send them light, then give it to yourself. Or send light and compassion to someone you love, and help light up our collective consciousness.
If you’re struggling with letting go and moving away from whatever it is that hurt you, you may want to check out my last video on Burning Letters and Letting Go.
If forgiveness is what you’re after, whether its forgiveness for yourself or someone else check out my Forgiveness and Dropping F* Bombs video.
Let me know in the comments below or send me a private message. What have you been struggling to understand? What is the “why” you can’t seem to let go of?
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Thank you for reading and I’ll catch you in the next post.
Sending you love.
Stay strong warriors.